[00:00:00] Hey, and welcome back to the pulse check podcast. My name is Mandy 

[00:00:03] I’m hehe, 

[00:00:04] and today we’re doing something a little different to reflect and honor my energy today, which I’m really grateful for you heHe for being flexible. I am feeling like it’s raining fire and I don’t wanna talk about the hard and the icky I want to, and I was like, racking my brain.

[00:00:26] Like, how can we positive spin something right now? Like it’s heavy right now. So I’m going to audit. I’m gonna kind of like turn inward. We don’t have a guest today. It’s gonna be my experience over the last two weeks. It’s kind of like body work, self care, all of those awful cliches, but it is because I’ve been doing a lot of trauma work over the last year as I’ve shared. And in that I naturally have been more attuned with my body and realize and put on paper and talk and say out loud, I have chronic pain. Thanks. 

[00:01:02] I’m so proud of you. I’m just like beaming. I’m so proud of you, the growth that you’ve done and the work that you’re putting in, because this is something that a lot of people shy away from.

[00:01:11] It’s hard and it’s messy and it’s like not fun. However, you can see the light at the end of the tunnel and you know, it’s gonna be so sweet when you get there. But the, in between work. Ugh, 

[00:01:24] it’s hard. And I teach, I teach trauma informed practices and so I, I can’t shy away from it. It’s my job to continue to like be the Guinea pig and walk the walk that I talk.

[00:01:37] So. That’s how I live. At least I experienced a lot of things as the parent on the parent side that I was trying to teach with nurses and teach with other parents like, Hey, this is what I experienced as a privileged nurse, essentially. And right now, yeah, it is hard and it is painful and it’s expensive and it’s exhausting.

[00:01:56] So that journey is gonna look different for a lot of folks. Mine is like criscross with my trauma. 100%, in so many ways. Like I go to the gym and that, and I had to stop going to the gym and stop moving my body in ways that I wanted to. And I am feeling the consequences of that. And I don’t like that.

[00:02:16] And the gym is like this Petri dish for my trauma. it’s so like masculine, there’s a hierarchy. It’s totally male dominated. It’s this like mirror in some ways of an abusive hospital situation and abusive culture. So not that I wanna like run right back to that, but I have been working on figuring out what my body needs and turns out doing the same thing over and over that causes pain doesn’t work. 

[00:02:50] Zero out of 10 recommend 

[00:02:51] zero out of 10, recommend doing the same shit when it’s getting worse. Thumbs down. I’ve needed support in that. I’ve needed like to say it out loud. And then people are like, how does it feel? And I feel like a fake. I feel like I wouldn’t give myself this advice and nurses do that all the time and parents and women or folks that were assigned female at birth have been socialized to prioritize other people’s feelings over their own.

[00:03:14] So. Hard. I have like multiple layers of why listening to my body is actually physically difficult for me to do. Probably why I was able to get through pain in my past, like labor . I was like, what? I could just turn that off. That’s so silly. And my therapist is like, oh, interesting. so when you’re not in labor, how does that work for you?

[00:03:35] Not great. So now that I work for work in a desk more often, I have issues with my neck, which is really fucking scary. And I’ve been seeing a chiropractor and I’ve been denying anything else that’s been recommended? I’ve been kind of ignoring it. Not necessarily denying it, but pretty much flat out in my mind like I’m not gonna go do that. I have felt better in a new desk situation. That’s not available for everybody, but at first I just took down my desk so that I had, I had the ability to raise my workstation. While I was sitting and that helped already. So even the little things are helping and it’s also good practice for me to like, change can be good and I can prioritize my physical health and it improves my mental health.

[00:04:21] So with all that said, I’ve been to a stranger to help me with my body in a healthcare facility. As a trauma informed parent and nurse educator, my perspective is always auditing the trauma informed behavior, not in a negative way, just in like a oh, this feels good for me or this doesn’t like, it’s a me thing.

[00:04:43] It’s me work. I have to feel, do I feel nervous? Do I wanna write this down or I’m gonna ignore it? So I went to someone that I felt I could listen to and hear. So it was a female and it was a physical therapist and I told hehe, and she’s like, got this big smile on my face. And I’m like, yeah, I’m in chronic pain. And she’s like, great. I love to talk about that. , she’s laughing. If you’re listening to the audio, she’s gonna maybe go through, it’s only been three sessions, but I have undressed. It’s not, it’s, it’s a healthcare setting and it affects me in a, in a similar way. But they’ve done good and bad during the process.

[00:05:28] And I’ll be able to tell you like a pass fail at the end, and if I’m sticking with them or if I’m firing them. 

[00:05:35] I love this. You know what I think a lot of people, I think we’re actually all, all constantly scanning our environments and the experiences that we have, the problem is. Medicine and healthcare settings are always done behind kind of like a gate or like these closed doors.

[00:05:53] And so what we don’t know is like what everybody else’s experiences look like. So the experiences that we have are they trauma informed? How do you know, how are we supposed to evaluate that? Like, is this what everybody’s PT session looks like? Does everybody’s OB say these things to them? Do all people have nasty sonographers, like saying snide comments, like what is normal versus what’s not. This episode’s gonna be super powerful for taking it into your next appointment so that, you know, kind of a baseline of like, do these people have the ability and the skill to give me the care that I want and deserve.

[00:06:32] Yeah. I think it’s helpful. We’ll see, let us know. We’ll see if it’s helpful for we’re all consumers of medicine. For the professionals too little steps and the things that you’re doing, but doing them out loud and doing them overtly can make a big difference for your patients.

[00:06:47] So I chose this person just kind of like on a whim. It’s not close. They’ve been doing it for a long time. They have kind of like cred in the community, female, and they could get me in, in the week. So that’s where I went and I was just like, I gonna hate it. And I’ll just leave and go to somebody else. Like I was already almost like talking myself out of it just to be ready to like Hightail it out of there. If I felt this wasn’t right for me. And 

[00:07:12] How’d you come across this person’s name? 

[00:07:14] A couple people recommended them. My chiropractor recommended a few and I like the idea that they maybe are a little more holistic about my issues, because I know my issues, one are long term and two probably compounded from work in the hospital to now sitting at a desk. And it’s like magnified when I’m sitting and doing repetitive work at a computer. Whereas when I was walking around lifting people and like pulling people and moving people somehow.

[00:07:48] I always could like qualify it as like, oh, well I just moved so and so, or I helped with pushing and that’s why I’m sore. Mm-hmm . So now it’s just like, Nope, Nope, Nope, Nope. Can’t sit at my desk and be sore just from sitting at my desk. So I went in, made the appointment and I was late, so I was already going in and like they were not a fan of that. They had sent me like a text reminder. They wanted me to like, confirm my appointment. I didn’t do any of that shit. And then I was like about to record a TikTok and I was like, let me just double check. And I was like, yep, I’m an hour off. Okay, gotta go. I should be there in about 10 minutes. I am dressed.

[00:08:27] Luckily, cuz I was about to record a TikTok, but I was not ready and it was 25 minutes away. So I ran in and I’m like, hi, I’m late. Hi. I’m so sorry. And she was like, well, you can finish the paperwork after she like gave me the paperwork. And I was like, I’m so sorry. Did the paperwork, the physical therapist came down and she is my grandparents’ generation and she comes down and she sticks out her hand, like I’m standing, she’s standing. She’s like, we, she already like said a comment about how I was late. She was like, we gotta get you going. I gotta get you going. So you’ll have to do that later. And as she’s saying that she was like, hi, nice to meet you when she stuck her hand out.

[00:09:08] And so I stuck my hand out and then I was like, COVID do we shake? I don’t remember. We both had masks on, she had N 95. So I’m like reading all of these things. While I’m moving. I need to like shake her hand and I’m like, oh God, it was almost like going in for a hug. And they’re like, Dodge me, like, oh, I read the sign so wrong. She was like I was going for your clipboard. And I was like, God, I’m gonna melt. I’m gonna die. Luckily, the mask. I did not like that feeling she blamed me and did not just like cover it up and be like, oh, I’m so sorry. So nice to meet you. And then like put on hand sanitizer, like whatever.

[00:09:50] Yeah. You don’t have to touch me. That’s fine. But I was like, oh, I hate it here behind my mask. I was like, this is gonna be awful. But also, I was like, who saw that? It was so awful. 

[00:10:05] Okay. First impression two outta 10. 

[00:10:08] two outta 10. First impression I like looked at the door and was like, mm. She was like, come on back.

[00:10:16] Do I have break for it? 

[00:10:18] Will I be 

[00:10:19] charged my initial consultation? I kept following her back to the room and she does like really. Uncomfortable laughing. So like when she’s uncomfortable, she like laughed really laughed. Sure. I’m like, so yeah, two outta 10. I was done at that point. went back to the room and again, she like made a comment about how she has to get my history because I didn’t have time to fill out the form.

[00:10:46] And I was like, yes, I know. Okay. We value punctuality here. I get it. Noted. I sat down, she did close the door for the health history, and I had no idea what to expect. I’ve never been to physical therapy. I’ve had body work a lot. Like I’ve gone to a massage. I’ve done chiropractic. I wasn’t, I was afraid that I would be doing a ton of work and time with little benefit. Like, I did not want to like sign up for this like physical therapy subscription that just took me further from my goals. So I was pretty clear on my goals going in. And she was pretty like straight shooter. She sat down, which I appreciated. She didn’t stand up and she wrote on the paper and she wasn’t typing on a screen, which I like, because I feel like she was able to write while she was like looking at me. She sat down next to me and she closed the door, which I liked. So I felt that we had privacy. Then I had to decide if I felt that safety of what do I disclose? How much do I go into. Because I didn’t know what she would ask.

[00:12:00] She had these like body images that she, you know, I, I didn’t know what she was gonna put on these like body images on her paper of like pain points or I don’t know, history hurts. I don’t know. So that was okay. I like that we were sitting and then she asked me like, when did this start? And it was embarrassing.

[00:12:23] For me to tell her the whole story. And like in telling the story, I was feeling a lot of weird feels because like, this is something that’s been going on and I’m a nurse. And so the way I was talking about things, she did ask me what I do. And I said I’m an educator. And then she kept asking and I was like, I’m a nurse educator.

[00:12:45] She was like, ha ha. You were saying the words, I knew you were a medical. And I was like, yes, but like, yes, but I need like different help please. Don’t assume that I know any of this. So then there’s that. 

[00:12:59] So let’s stay away from the whole like medical aspect. The least medical, as we can make, this would be appreciated.

[00:13:05] I know 

[00:13:07] which it was important for her to know about my work. And I felt, I felt like I understood why she was asking. She wasn’t asking in like a critical, you shouldn’t be talking about medical stuff. She was asking like, how do I move my body every day? Do I work? If I don’t work for another company, what am I doing during the day? How am I sitting? How am I resting? How am I moving? And so I could appreciate that. And that’s why I was clear with her, but she did make some assumptions, but she was like I said, I think my hurt comes initially from my role as a nurse and has been exacerbated. And she was like, cuz now you’re on a computer a lot.

[00:13:46] I was like, yeah, exactly. So. I felt like she understood what I felt like she was listening. She even stopped and like looked at me because I was like, I don’t work at the hospital. And she was like, what do you do? 

[00:13:57] I have a question. So you said, I didn’t know what to expect. I’ve never been to PT.

[00:14:04] Something that we do with our clients. And for listeners, if you’re new here, we are not medical. We are a doula service, but we prep our clients for what they’re gonna expect with every meeting with us. And so beforehand, they, they get an email that literally tells them what they can expect from that meeting with us.

[00:14:20] Do you think that would’ve been helpful? Like when you arrive here are the things that you can expect and like here’s, what’s gonna happen in your appointment and here are some things that might happen in your appointment. Obviously they’re all optional. You can ask for these things you can ask for not these things that would’ve been helpful. Huh? 

[00:14:36] Yeah, I think so. But I will say immediately after that health history, she had enough information to move forward and then immediately gave me the breakdown. Yeah. So I didn’t know going in what we were gonna be doing in the room, but, but she was very quick to be like, I just wanna hear about why you’re here and hear about your pain.

[00:14:58] You know, I had to rate it and I had to, which is silly. Like, I, I do that as a nurse, but like, I was like, I don’t know, every day feel it. I don’t know. Well, what makes it worse? Everything. And it was almost like, why have I waited so long? I felt my own weird feelings about it, but she didn’t say anything like that.

[00:15:16] She had her own goals, which I kind of like, kind of found out a little. I was putting some pieces together yesterday when I saw her for the most recent time and she asked what have I done? And this was on all the forms that I could have filled out. What have I done to improve my situation? Has it helped? Has it not helped? And then she immediately went into, this is how long I had to ask when I made the appointment, how long the appointment would be. So I knew what to expect, just. My schedule, but she immediately was like, this is what I like to do. I don’t like to do this meaning I like to start slow, but with a goal for you to do your own care outside of here, you don’t have to keep coming here all the time.

[00:15:57] This isn’t somewhere I want you to be every week. I want you to be able to do these exercises at home. And I was like, oh, we are on the right track. Because that then aligned with my goals of, I want there to be a very clear scale, are we meeting goals? And I’m usually not like that, but I’m like, we need to have a way to measure this because I cannot keep coming.

[00:16:19] If I just keep getting the promise that it’ll get better because that’s what I’ve already experienced. And I can’t keep coming if it is like, the information is like gate kept. If you’re the only one with the information, that’s not how I like to work. This is what I teach. I like teach this is your information do with it, what you will, I don’t know the right way for you to do with it.

[00:16:38] I don’t know what’s best and what’s best for me in this situation is for me to be able to write everything down, have an image of it, do what I need to do at home. And know when I can’t help myself and when I need extra help and I need to come in. And so she said that that period of time can be finite the time when I need help.

[00:16:57] And the rest of it should be me doing it at home. Mm. Which I felt makes sense because I, I told her, I wanna get to the point where I can do lifting with weights and she was like, oh yeah, but that’s pretty far from where you are, because weight lifting exacerbates your pain. And I said, yes, that’s my that’s the issue.

[00:17:12] It was like, it’s all the time. And I can’t do the things I wanna do. So she knew my goals and it seemed like she kept making sure that we were on the same page 10 outta 10. Nice. Yeah, for sure. Nice. But she had to do a lot of listening and that was a long part of the, of the session. 

[00:17:34] The whole session was how long.

[00:17:35] And how long did you actually spend with her listening? Was it a third? Was it a fourth? Was it half? 

[00:17:42] The session was an hour and I spent 35 minutes. Wow. In discussion with her probably mm-hmm yeah. Okay. Right. Yeah. So some of it wasn’t just at the beginning, cuz that’s like a little overdramatic, but it was in education in reiteration. In education in reminders, giving me the paperwork that would show the visual images of what I should be doing.

[00:18:08] I did ask for more for my desk to kind of double check that my desk was set up correctly and she was, we have papers for that let me tell the desk person. I did do some stim therapy that day and that was 15 minutes. And then I did some stretches that someone helped me, someone watched me do them.

[00:18:26] So that took about 10. Or 11 minutes. So the rest of it, she was teaching, making sure we were on the same goals, talking about what the next few weeks would look like. And. What each session would include, because we wanted to make sure that we were meeting the goals. What changed a reassessment of what changed?

[00:18:46] According to me, my subjective story about it, and then the next step would be this. Are we still in agreement? Are we still gonna move forward? And I’ve met with her three times and that’s exactly what she’s done every time we don’t do a whole history and the sessions are not an hour long. They’re half an hour, I think. 

[00:19:03] Well, a big critical part of this is that first meeting, at least being an hour long, I know there are tons of people out there listening, being like, well, yeah, I can give this amount of care too. This in-depth care. If I had an hour with people, it’s kind of where we are. It’s the hospital you work for? It’s the facility workforce. The policies that they have. Like you you’re. The bottom line, is that the place that you work has to prioritize patient face to face care if you’re gonna start to have this experience for people, because that hour long first meeting is crucial.

[00:19:37] Look, you’re taking up more than half of it. Just listening to the person you’re caring for. Right. That’s huge. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Awesome. 

[00:19:47] So I kept saying, I was like, thank you, I like to be told what. You described it? Well, I’m clear about what’s going on. And then the follow through with the next appointment was like, Hey, last time we did this, how are you, how did it feel? What were you able to do at home? I still had a lot of homework. And I was like, I actually feel good. This is what’s better. And then that next one, she was gonna do hands on manipulation. Try to feel some trigger points, try to feel the muscles which can cause which can be tender. It’s something different than just stretching and heat and stem, which we tried at the beginning. And then have you ever had dry needling? 

[00:20:27] Yes.

[00:20:28] You have? Yeah. Okay, well, that was the appointment. I was not looking forward to. Cuz then at the second appointment, she tells me what to she’s doing the touch. Yeah. Which I’m like, I’m like a cat. I’m like, yeah, yeah, me too. I don’t really like touch and like relationships, but if you know what you’re doing, please work out all the kinks in my neck.

[00:20:50] And she was just talking, my head was down and she was just talking. I had my clothes on and. She was like, okay, well, next time is dry needling. She’s really excited about this dry needling. Yeah. I’m like, I am not, I am totally not excited about this. So if we could just like, make sure that it works and if it doesn’t work, I’m out. You won’t see me ever again, not, I won’t give you a bad review. I’m just not going to down that road. And she was like, well, you know, some folks find it uncomfortable. And I was like, ding, ding, ding, tell me more. And she was like, yeah, I mean, you can be sore after, and it is a needle, but I know it’s an acupuncture needle.

[00:21:23] I know. No it’s small and I can handle that. But she was like, we put the needle in the trigger spot of the muscle, the really tight part. And then she was like, like right there. And I’m like, yeah, that’s kind of the part that I’m not interested in. And she was like, it’s totally up to you. She kept assessing like, do you wanna do this?

[00:21:38] And I was like, I want help. I will try it. I’m not excited about it. But she did give me like, then the muscles sometimes twitches and she gave me like very deep. She was like, I’ll go over it again next time. And I was like, you might not see me next time because my ass does not wanna experience that. But I said like, right, let’s just try because it’s whatever. And then I did go to that last appointment. It was yesterday. So you had dry needling? 

[00:22:08] Yeah, just for like stress. I was just going through very transitional pieces in life and my acupuncturist had actually recommended it, she was like, drying would be good for you. I also did some red light therapy in like the, in like a little sauna. It’s like a little personal sauna. And did some of that and yeah, I mean, I feel like it helped, but I also feel like as a human I’m pretty susceptible to the placebo effect. So even when things are placebo, I’m like this totally worked my mind is super powerful. Like that.

[00:22:43] So, yeah, dry needling is a needle in the pressure points of the muscles. I’m guessing yours was shoulders, but I don’t know where you hold your tension. 

[00:22:50] Yep. 

[00:22:50] That’s exactly in my lower neck. And then some on my lower back, but only like two down there. 

[00:22:56] I only had two yesterday and I didn’t sleep well last night. 

[00:22:59] Okay. It does get the Chi going in your body. It gets that energy going. Did you feel like the flush of your body when the needles were in you? I could feel like my body go from like hot to cold. Like a rush came all over my body. Yeah. 

[00:23:17] Mostly I was doing my breathing to anticipate that this was going to be very painful. Mm-hmm and I was like, I can do pain. Like I’ve had dental procedures. I’ve had babies, I can do pain. It’s just pain in the spot that has been painful for so long was really scary. And I wouldn’t have done it if I, if it were our first meeting. So I trusted that she was actually responsive to my feedback over the last two meetings that we’d had. And she was a good listener, even though she liked to talk. I felt like she could listen. And she, we were meeting so close together that she really was remembering my story and remembering our goals. And I felt comfortable in that way. And that was unusual. So I felt definitely like eight outta 10 for feeling or feeling that felt safety to allow her to do something that she already said was gonna be painful but in the end She thought that that would be super helpful and quicker in my recovery than stretches at home, which I know isn’t going to fix everything. 

[00:24:21] What would’ve gotten her to a 10 out of 10, where is she being docked for points? What could providers be doing better? Even when they seem to be like really kind of stellar like this?

[00:24:32] Cutting me off in my conversation and interrupting. Yeah. Felt. Tough. Mm-hmm mm-hmm I mean, I felt like we are connecting, but she wasn’t always listening to the whole thought. And yeah, there could have been a little more space there, which wouldn’t have taken a lot more time. It’s just feeling like someone already has an answer or wants to connect isn’t giving enough space for me to really have that full either emotion or disclosure, or feel fully safe to say something that someone else might not agree with, because they’re always like feeling on instead of feeling curious. 

[00:25:15] Yeah, yeah. That that is super hard to find. I would say that is probably one of the biggest qualities lacking in today’s healthcare. Right. It’s almost as if they’re bred to like, kind of know the next thing and like stay in front of patients and like almost predict what patients are gonna say or are feeling or whatever.

[00:25:33] Yeah, there’s a couple reasons for that. I mean, I don’t know if you’re told this. It’s definitely something that I’ve had to unlearn and continue to work on is there’s a status thing when, oh yeah. I have answers for that. I can help you. I can do this. Speed and time. There’s often a lack of speed lack of time. So you feel like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I can. I’ve seen that. I know that I can relate to that. When we’re missing that first, I need to feel fully heard in order to care that you and I connect in any way whatsoever. 

[00:26:04] Exactly. Yeah. 

[00:26:06] I need to be heard and then we can connect because then we’re not connect. Like that’s not even my goal. My goal is to be heard and helped. If you haven’t seen it before, at least I know you’re hearing me and you’re thinking about it. I don’t need you to always have the answer. I need to be heard. So that I know my goals can truly be met. We’re working with the whole picture, all of those things.

[00:26:31] I’m not some like number, you know, I have this thing that’s very, very important to me. Pain is scary, lived with it a long time. It’s affecting everything that I am right now. And someone who gives that space for me to be like, I can handle pain. I don’t want it. And I am nervous and I don’t want to be here.

[00:26:59] And this spot has hurt for a really long time. And so I only want touch that is helpful. And it helps when you remind me that it’s helpful for me to get all of that out. She probably already knew that. she probably already knew a lot of it. She worked in a way that she seemed to have heard that from others, but she has never heard that from me. And so I felt I wanted, I felt cut off in those ways. Of course, it’s not hugely important. It’s fine. I let her do the thing. It hurt, blah, but that’s why she didn’t get a 10. Yeah. 

[00:27:34] So the question is, do you think dry needle was painful? did you like it or you didn’t like it? 

[00:27:41] Those are two different questions.

[00:27:42] Yes. I thought it was painful. No, I didn’t like it. Yes. I think it helped. Okay. I did not like it. No, I laid there and she was so she was so patient with me though. And I went through and did two needles and I had the choice the whole time. She was like, I wanna make sure that you completely understand. I wanna make sure that it’s gonna cost this much if you, if it does work and it, I wanna you to make sure that it might not help.

[00:28:05] There are, I don’t wanna. Bump it up and it might not work for you. I do want you to know, you know, I’m gonna be right here. It’s gonna go into the muscle. And she reiterated the things that she knew. She already said, I heard those things three times and which is why I like, feel like I really understood it and didn’t wanna do it.

[00:28:22] And I was like, okay. And I was doing my relaxation and I was doing my breathing and then she put the needle in and I was like, oh yeah, I was vocal. My head was on the, down on the table. She could not see my face. And she was wanting feedback from me. Yeah. I was doing my breathing and she was like, yeah.

[00:28:39] And this one’s gonna be a little bit deeper. She was feeling the muscle before she went in. I was undressed. I had a gown on and my bra on. She said you don’t have to take your bra off. And I was going to because like, why not? And like the spot is like bra neck, and she’s like, you don’t have to take your, just, it was just the shirt issue.

[00:28:59] And I was like, oh, well, I like that. And I’m laying there. And my gown face down my back is exposed. And she was like, okay, well I feel this muscle. I’m like, yeah, that’s the hurt one. And she’s like really tense and she’s like, girl, up in it. And I. Got it. Yes. You know, muscles, that one hurts. You found it ouch.

[00:29:18] Like, what are we doing next? And she was like, this is a deeper one. And I’m like, okay. And maybe she said superficial. I don’t remember which one it was, but she was like, we want that. We want to elicit this. This will be a thing you breathe through.

[00:29:30] If I need to stop, I’ll stop at any time. And we don’t even have to keep going. She reiterated all the right things. And so I felt in control. Nine outta 10. 

[00:29:42] Yeah. so her consent was like really good. 

[00:29:45] Yeah. I really felt like that was really good. And then while it was happening, I was like, oh, you were not kidding.

[00:29:52] And I can’t believe so many of your patients do this I was like, this sucks. And they just walk in and pay you money and like, do it. She’s like, well not all the time. Hopefully it like works. They don’t do it all the time. And I’m like, yeah, I would, I’d be fine if I never did this again. And she was like, yeah, this it’ll get intense and intense is okay, I’m gonna move it to get the, to elicit that thing.

[00:30:13] And I was like, yes, yes, thank you for reminding me and I’m breathing. And then she’s like done. Yeah. And I said, Oh, wow. I think I was like, that’s weird. And my eyes closed my mask on and my face, like that feels, yeah, that feels weird and awful. Yep. That’s awful. And she was like, it’s like a needle from the inside.

[00:30:33] Isn’t it? And I was like, that’s exactly like another connection point that I know she’s experienced this. She’s reiterating something. She explained what I would experience that did happen. It felt honest. And then she was saying something that only someone who’d had it done could know or had helped folks through it a lot.

[00:30:54] Like I’ll explain getting magnesium. And I’m like, oh my gosh, my patients say you’re on fire from the inside. And they’re like, that’s exactly what it feels like. They feel seen. In their experience that they’re telling me, they’re having a hard time, if I put words to it and that’s what she did, I was like, okay, okay.

[00:31:11] Okay. This is normal. It’s supposed to happen. I’m not afraid of it. I’m just experiencing it. And that felt really good. And then she was like, but see how, what fast it works. And then she felt the muscle and it wasn’t that, that like muscle that she could pick off my shoulder and like, hold, it was like floppy.

[00:31:27] I was like, oh, okay. Okay. Okay. She was like, okay, that was really intense for you. Do you wanna stop 

[00:31:32] even good consent there. Like recognizing reading the room when things become too much for your patients. 

[00:31:40] Yeah. Wasn’t that good? Yeah. Yeah. She was offering me opportunity to retract consent continuously. 

[00:31:48] Oh my gosh. 12 outta 10. 

[00:31:50] That was a 12 outta 10. And so I just did it. I was like, this is fucking so good. I hate it, but I don’t hate you. I was like, let’s deal. She was like we’re probably only gonna do two spots. You might be sore. And I was like, you’ve said that. So I believe I’m going to be roughed up tomorrow.

[00:32:09] Yeah. Yeah. 

[00:32:10] And she was like, you might be a little sore and I’m like, I’m already sore. I’m hurting right now. Am I bleeding? Feels like I’m bleeding. Am I bleeding? And she was like, fine to be done. And she was like, some folks like it, you know, she gave all sides of it. Again, consent. Informed consent. And so I knew it would be sore.

[00:32:29] Now sore later, two, two would be more intense than one. Some people like to have that even out. I was like, let’s do it. And she was like, I think two would be enough to see if you have an improvement. And I was like, I agree. She said, next time we’ll try to do different spots or the same spots depending on what you want.

[00:32:46] We can do a little more, depending on how you feel. You come back and we’ll talk about it. Or, you know, if it doesn’t work, of course, it’s not something we wanna keep doing. So she did the other one and it was like, it was like getting, it was like getting dental work done, or you like, feel something in your dental work.

[00:33:04] And it’s like, my whole body lights up, this is awful. It was like that, but like, oh, in there. So yeah, it was a good exercise in. Yes, I do. I enthusiastically wanna move forward with this. Mm-hmm however, I’m hurting. However, I’m going through this hard thing. This is scary. I don’t have my clothes on. You know, there are a lot of reasons to wanna run, but I was continuing to check in and she was continuing to check in.

[00:33:36] So I went and did the next one. Which was way fine, cuz I knew what to expect and I like barely slept last night and I’m hurting like a mofo today. Also probably why I was like, I just can’t do heavy stuff today. 

[00:33:52] Yeah. But maybe can be heavy after that kind of stuff. But again, I know you’re hurting, but I love to hear it, the growth and, you know, the, the inner work that comes from these type of things and these type of exercises, even the advancement in like your mindset and your belief in yourself, like, even if you break it down to the very basis of like, I did something scary yesterday, I now have done it twice.

[00:34:16] I’m less scared and, you know, I stayed through it. I stayed grounded. I stayed in my mind. I stayed in control of it. It was something I really didn’t wanna do. And I knew I was safe. So it’s not like you pushed yourself to do something and it was unsafe, but you knew you were safe doing it. You didn’t wanna do it.

[00:34:34] And you pushed through, these are all amazing things that so many of us do not ever give ourselves credit for who takes the time to be like. Oh, I’m proud of myself. Mm-hmm literally, 

[00:34:44] yeah. I should tell my kids that because we do, we talk about being proud and they don’t wanna say, I always try to say, are you proud? Were you proud of yourself? And they’re like, nah. So I should really model. That’s a very good reminder that I should be like, Hey guys, do you know what happened yesterday? I’m still feeling pretty proud of myself. Yeah. And I’m doing the stretches. So I’ll do my stretches with them tonight and be like, Hey, I’m pretty proud of myself.

[00:35:05] I was talking to my husband about it and I should have plugged it then. So that’s a good reminder. I will be going back. 

[00:35:12] Nice. 

[00:35:13] I go back in a week, so I’m gonna be fully recovered and we’ll try it again. And then we’re gonna start strength exercises so that I didn’t know how to ease in.

[00:35:20] Cuz the last time I did a pushup, it took five days to recover and I was seven out of 10 pain. I like couldn’t work. I couldn’t do things I couldn’t drive and that’s really scary. So yeah, we’re gonna start, start in on that so that I know how to do it and can protect my neck and my shoulders.

[00:35:39] And that is also scary. so I need to feel that they can fix me if that happens. And we start doing weight training. Yeah. So overall. They pass. 

[00:35:54] Yay. 

[00:35:54] I will continue to give them my money, my time and my body to help and continue to pay them to help me energy for energy. I’m getting and receiving a lot of good energy from them. I will continue to go and I’ll even refer them because of this safe experience that I feel like I had. 

[00:36:15] That is awesome. So overall, a pretty trauma informed practice. Mm-hmm one thing I haven’t heard you talk about is the language that they used. Did they ask you for your pronouns?

[00:36:26] Were they cognizant of language? Did they use gendered language or did they start out with neutral language and then follow your cues explicitly? Ask how was that? 

[00:36:38] Thank you so much for asking that that is something that I wanted to touch on and doing the documentation. I was thinking about it and they used very gendered language.

[00:36:47] They did not ask me my pronouns. They did ask me what name I wanted to be wanted to go by. Okay. But that was it. It was lacking very, very lacking. Yeah, I, I feel like the intake forms are kind of a first test on that and fail. Yeah. Zero out of 10, one outta 10, maybe. 

[00:37:12] Yeah, yeah. That language it’s that new wave, right? So we’ve gotta have leniency for people who haven’t caught up yet, but I do think that there’s room for you to maybe mention it to them. Sure. And see what they do with that feedback. One thing that I’ve learned a lot as a business owner is like, you can’t know everything, we can’t know everything. And so until someone brings it to our attention, You know, chances are it’s just an oversight and it’s something that we have never thought about or you know, we totally.

[00:37:41] Totally missed over or glossed over and did not even think twice about it. So if you bring it to, you know, someone’s attention, gauge their response and it, it also doesn’t mean that they may be able to get to it like that day or within the next hour, but listen to their response. If they say like, we’re gonna think about this, we are going to you know, we’re committed to changing this and making our policies, whatever our language, whatever our staff, whatever Yeah.

[00:38:08] Yeah, that’s a really good point. And I should, especially now that I have a relationship yeah. Say something. Absolutely. And I will give that feedback on gendered language and I think they wrote spouse instead of partner and they didn’t give yeah a lot of option for that. There was one other point where I was like, Nope, did not pass that did not pass that inclusive test.

[00:38:29] Or now that I know, and like also have a degree of privilege to have that not be triggering for me, but oh, obvious to me, but not triggering for me then it is absolutely you’re right. We should be calling each other in for that. So thank you, hehe. I’ll probably do it. In writing as well as in our talk.

[00:38:49] Yeah. 

[00:38:49] Mm-hmm and you can do it casual, right. Listeners out there. It doesn’t have to be, you know, accusatory or aggressive. You can do it super casual and you can even say like, I’ve had the best experience here. Yeah. I would love to pass your name along in my inner circles. I do have people who identify with the LGBTQ plus spectrum and yeah, I wanna make sure that no matter who I give your name to that my people feel safe here. Yeah, exactly. And this is one thing that I noticed that might enhance that experience. So you can do it super nicely. We’ve definitely gotten those over the years. We’ve worked with all sorts of things. Our language, our forms, the way that we present things you know, literally everything.

[00:39:28] Yeah. And the good feedback too, like thanks for telling me about my bra. And I know. If I had said, I don’t want to get in that gown. And I can give the feedback that, that next appointment you would be in a gown, cuz she was really good at explaining that she did not tell me ahead of time that I could’ve worn a tank top or I could’ve worn a big like this and been fine.

[00:39:48] She would’ve, I can only assume, but I assume that she would’ve been okay with that. And again, with being overt, like we have to be out about that. We have to be out about our flexibility. We have to be out about our creativity and I think that she would be, but she wasn’t out about it. And that would’ve helped me not be like, oh, it’s a gown where some people might be like, and I’m out.

[00:40:12] Last time I wore a gown. I got hurt last time. Yeah. Like I don’t wanna uncover like all that. She assumed I was wearing a bra, so that comes with the education and. Yeah, I think she would be open to it, but I don’t know. So I can talk to her about that. Yeah. Or at least think around it or at least curious around it.

[00:40:29] Yeah. Yeah. This place seems awesome. I think I think it’s hard work to fund providers that. Are trauma informed like this, but I hope this episode gives you hope that they are out there. They may be far and few between, but if you stumble across them or you do the hard work to find them, they are out there.

[00:40:50] And the more that we support these providers and share these providers names and write positive feedback for these providers, recognize them, write your state medical board and let them know like the most consensual experience I’ve ever had was with this provider. It changed my life because up until this point, it had all been terrible experiences, recognize these providers.

[00:41:12] And that is the way that we slowly rid our system of the bad providers, because they eventually won’t have any patients. Mm-hmm they eventually will not have anyone who trusts them with their care. And they won’t have anywhere to go except out 

[00:41:25] mm-hmm yeah, that’s a good point. Yeah. And sharing with them how they can be even better because we want them to be great.

[00:41:32] We want them to Excel and we do want our community to feel safe with them. Thanks for being cool with this new topic today hehe. And from this, and from last week, we have some new ideas coming out. So be sure to follow us on Instagram so that you’ll know when we have more opportunities to highlight your story in unique ways on the podcast.

[00:41:53] Thanks for being so transparent with us, Mandy. It really helps us heal and grow as individuals to know that we do this in a collective. 

[00:42:01] Oh, thanks 

[00:42:02] for that hehe. Oh, all right. Well go have a super fucking fantastic day. Y’all bye y’all. 

[00:42:11] Bye .

[00:42:11] If you or anyone, you know, has a story to share, please contact us on Instagram at pulse check dot podcast. We’d love to share your story.