Whether you’ve already written your well-thought out birth plan or don’t even know where to start, these tips can totally help you get ready for baby day. I’m a labor and delivery nurse in a hospital, but these ideas can be applied anywhere and any which way you plan to have a baby! (see my video at the end!)

I’ve seen a lot of well intentioned parents spend loads of time and energy on fantastically detailed birth plans…..but why? Because The Bump told us that we need one? Because your cousin told you that she had an intervention that you had never even heard of, so you want to refuse it on paper prior to your admission? Because everything else in our lives is compared, analyzed, and planned, so of course we want the same for the biggest day of our lives…?

Sure, I’m right there with you. I’m a mom and was completely intimidated by labor.

Right, I’m also a labor and delivery nurse, so how could I be scared? “You already know so much!” said well-meaning friends when I mentioned my nervousness.

Well, it’s like a dentist working on herself – she knows a lot about teeth, a lot about educating people about teeth, she has teeth herself. BUT, she probably doesn’t know exactly what every procedure feels like from first-hand experience and she definitely wouldn’t be her own dentist. She even might be a bit nervous when she has a procedure done by another dentist, because she doesn’t have as much control when she’s the patient. Not a perfect analogy, but you get the gist. I felt that being a L&D nurse put me at a disadvantage when I was the patient. I knew so much that I was really hard on myself and disappointed when my labor wasn’t textbook. (What the heck is textbook labor nowadays anyway?!) My standards were too high and my ability to control the situation was very low.

That’s exactly what you’re trying to avoid by writing a birth plan! You want to gain more control over an unknown situation with a lot of variables. That’s also the problem with a birth plan; you inevitably set standards for your labor.

Instead of trying to plan and orchestrate your birth, try to flip that idea on its head and work toward being comfortable with the birth process and only try to control the environment where the process will take place.

Have I lost you? Don’t throw your phone across the room just yet – hear me out.

(And don’t miss my video at the end for a few concrete ideas.)

The Process

How can you become comfortable with the birth process? Well, I should be pretty comfortable since I see labor every day at my job. Nope. Don’t get me wrong, I’m pretty darn comfortable with natural labor – the sounds, the mess of the shower, the intermittent monitoring headaches – than many L&D nurses. But that’s comfort with someone else’s birth process. Mine still felt very scary and unknown.

I started by reading Ina May’s Guide To Childbirth. The first half of the book is a bunch of birth stories, which is great for birth exposure (no pun intended). The second half of the book is all about the normal birth process. It includes how she learned natural labor techniques that were very helpful to women that she could then teach to others that were struggling. I started reading it a second time while I was still pregnant, and I can’t wait to dive into again to help teach new labor nurses about labor support!

Being comfortable with the birth process also means being comfortable with change, unknowns, and discomfort. WHOA. No Thanks. Pass!

This takes a lot of inner work – birth self confidence if you will. One technique I used for this was mantras and birth affirmations.

Ok, I did it, I totally just threw some super huggy, hippie terms out there for you, but they work! I googled birth affirmations and started jotting down anything that spoke to me and made me feel powerful, feel good, feel ready. They can be quotes, Dr. Seuss phrases, words, slogans, anything that you find motivating, true, and affirming. Pick what you like and toss what doesn’t work for you, then move on. For example, just because you read on a site that your body is a flower and you should chant “open, open, open” during a contraction (yeah, that’s a thing) doesn’t mean you have to get down with that during your labor (unless that speaks to you, then go for it!).

Pictured are a few of mine. I used down time in the evenings to really think about these words, visualize what they meant, connect with my baby, and spend some time with their meanings. It helped me get to know them and connect them with feel-good emotions. Then, when I read them during my labor I got such a high from them! These mantras seriously got me through transition – the point in my labor that I started asking for the car keys and wondering if the windows opened and were a viable escape option. These words were something that I believed to be true, and I remembered that belief feeling and could relax in their familiarity.

Your Environment

Next, creating an environment that you feel safe and comfortable in can truly affect the trajectory of your labor. This part is easy – start with imagining how animals give birth in the wild or in a zoo, and then create a list!

If you’ve ever witnessed an animal give birth, what was it like? Was it a loud, social gathering in front of the whole herd? Was it during the day under the bright sun out in the open? The answer is probably “no” to both of these questions.

If you’ve never seen an animal give birth, why not? Don’t you go to the zoo? Well, that’s probably because animals like to remain secluded, hidden, and quiet when they give birth. Oftentimes it’s at night or in a dim cave or den. It’s not generally a social event, and it’s seen as an honor and a privilege if they allow you to be present for the momentous event. When women are left on their own to give birth, it’s been witnessed that they choose places much like animals in the wild. 

With that in mind, create your list:

Where do you feel safe?

How will this space feel?

How will it smell?

Who will be with you?

Are they supportive and understand what you want?

What will they be doing?

What will it sound like?

What will this space look like?

Will it have familiar objects, sounds, smells?

This will also help you create your list of items that you want to take with you to your hospital or birth center if you’re not having your baby at home. It should encourage you to start the discussion of who you will invite to be present and what kind of direction you’ll give them when they’re with you.

In a space that you’ve created that feels safe and comfortable to you, you will feel more empowered to trust your body, trust your instincts, and go with the flow of labor no matter what hurdles, unexpected decisions, or changes come your way!

I’d love to hear about the space that you’re envisioning for your birth in the comments below! It’s so great to hear how others prepare for the birth process and what their safe space looks like.

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https://youtu.be/ERbxxyUnzUg