How Childbirth is Like a Car Wash
Disclosure: Some of the links on my site are affiliate links, meaning, at no cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through and make a purchase. I only share about things I truly LOVE.
An incredibly powerful labor support tool during childbirth that is often overlooked is inviting someone to be with you that has seen normal birth. But is this possible in our society today? Absolutely, but we need to be intentional about it. We can learn so much from the women who’ve given birth before us.
Ina May discusses a strong labor team in her book. It’s one of my favs! She’s such a smart teacher.
Back in the day (think before our grandmothers’ day) two things were very different:
1. Women gave birth with other women only
2. Families lived with and/or very near each other
These differences in culture had a huge impact on the way in which women viewed birth and motherhood.
For example, let’s think of how we view a car wash. At my house growing up, my dad taught my sisters and me how to wash the car. We used Dawn dish soap, a bucket, and the hose. We watched my dad and mimicked him. Sometimes, if we were lucky, he’d take us through the drive-through car wash after getting gas. Both versions were acceptable ways to wash the car in our family and in our community and culture. Even today, my neighbor washes his car, no joke, three times a week out on his driveway. It must be his zen. We pay $20 for the pros to do it after a big snow to get all of the salt off. I see my neighbor out there in the winter, and he sees me drive home without the salt line on my car.
Related: The Ultimate Guide to Taking Control of Your Childbirth Online Course is OPEN! Enroll now!
You do you, brother.
In no way do I believe that giving birth is as mundane as vehicular salt removal. Many years ago, however, it was much more visible than it is today. Families were larger, they lived closer to each other, and they witnessed each other give birth, much like a very common car wash. (Not like today, where it sometimes becomes a spectator sport, complete with pizza delivery and stranger introductions IN THE DELIVERY ROOM (yes, this is real)) Women saw many ways in which other women gave birth. Some babies were big and required longer labors. Someone women had more back pain, so they required different positions for pain relief. For other women water helped, for some it didn’t, some took walks, some yelped like wild animals, and many gave birth while their other children slept in rooms down the hall. For the most part, our ancestors saw normal childbirth often.
Similarly to those women, mothers today still tell each other stories which pass on tradition and advice. Ever walked somewhere in public while pregnant? You’re going to hear a stranger’s birth story. Or wrangled more than one child as the lone adult…anywhere? Someone is going to tell you about the days of their young ones 🙂 Baby showers are also amazing places to hear birth stories and learn about child rearing from the women that love us.
Women today don’t witness normal childbirth, however.
YouTube doesn’t count.
I know, you’ve seen A Baby Story, that doesn’t count, either. I’m mean WITNESSED, like cold cloth to her head, felt the mood shift as her labor progressed, smelled amniotic fluid – witnessed. Being present at a birth is WAY different than watching a stranger on a screen. It’s intense, no doubt, but very different.
Nurses, do you agree? Tell me below, I hope this isn’t just me 🙂
Anyone and Everyone Can Find Their Person
During childbirth, it is so incredibly powerful for the new mother to have the support of another woman who has seen normal birth. There are research studies about the power of another woman’s presence during labor, and I’ve also experienced this to be true many times.
Personally, I needed someone that actually knew me to say,
“You’re strong, you can do this. You’ve done really difficult stuff before.” I’m pretty black and white, and my pessimistic, critical mind can weed out BS well. I swear even in my dreams. It’s a curse 😛 It helped me believe her words, because I knew her.
I was a L&D nurse for many years even before I had children. Telling my patients about being a dog mom didn’t help provide much labor support. Telling them that I’ve seen what they’re experiencing, and it’s totally normal DID help them cope.
After giving birth myself, simply just looking into her eyes sometimes connects us, because I truly do know what she’s feeling…maybe not physically, because labors can be vastly different, though surprisingly similar at the same time, but emotionally it’s some super scary shit, and I know.
In today’s super connected, yet wildly distant world, we can still support each other during childbirth. We just have to be more intentional about it. Watching my rebozo video, birth ball videos, reading the books, taking the classes are all excellent ways to prepare for childbirth. But what if you don’t have sisters, or they’ve never seen normal birth, or they live 1,000 miles away? You’re the first of your friends to have a baby? There’s no one in your life, currently, that fits this description AND you’re cool with them possibly peeping your nethers? No problem! You’ll have a labor nurse! She HAS seen normal birth and can be that person for you!
Still, that’s a gamble. What if she’s having a bad day? What if it’s her First day? Hire a doula! They have also definitely seen normal birth. Doulas also believe in it, believe it’s possible, cherish it, and they dig labor. Yeah, it’s more work. You’ll need to interview a few to find one that matches your groove, but knowing what to expect from them can be huge for some people.
Reducing stress and anxiety around childbirth is the name of the game! Inviting someone who’s witnessed normal childbirth before can ease the mother’s nerves and also her partner’s for this same reason! They may be nervous about timing (When to go to the hospital?), safety (Two incredibly important people are sharing one body, and that body is doing some new, really powerful moves), and their own role. The woman who knows normal childbirth can take some of this burden, affirm normalcy, and praise efforts, which creates a beautiful birth experience for mama AND partner!
Rebozos are tools that doulas generally use more than labor and delivery nurses, but they’re not used a heck of a lot in the US. Check out this video for easy ways to use them in pregnancy, labor, and with baby postpartum! Share with your labor team so they know how to help you best!
You can trust the products here to be the best and safe. Save 10% with my code: Mandy10
Because *spoiler alert* ——— babies are expensive.
A post you might like: When You Have to Ditch Your Birth Plan
Have you taken a prenatal class? Was it online? Would that be convenient for you? Tell me below! How did it work with your schedule?
Disclosure: Some of the links on my site are affiliate links, meaning, at no cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through and make a purchase. In this post, I received 3 rebozos to create this video but the opinions are honest and all my own. I only share about things I truly LOVE.
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