Lifestyle birth photography

Well, I wasn’t quite sure what kind of lifestyle my birth would have, but as my due date approached I was sure I had made the wrong decision in hiring a birth photographer.

I had a traumatic memory of birth after my first experience over two years ago, and I was starting to regret that investment while rocking on an exercise ball well into my 37th week of pregnancy and practicing inversion after inversion attempting to get my now breech baby to flip. Awesome, I thought. Now I’d have a bunch of photos of a surgery instead of the soft, beautifully lit photos of my painless, blissful labor that circle on social media. (OK, I’m a labor and delivery nurse. I wasn’t expecting painless or blissful, but somehow some birth photos look like the woman doesn’t mind the process too much)

I chose a photographer that had a similar view about birth as I do. Her name is Beth. She honors and respects birth. She’s intrigued by the magic and views women as powerful, capable, and worthy. I wasn’t exactly sure what “lifestyle photography” would look like, but that’s what she calls her style, and I liked her vibe. 

My baby did turn head down, and I finally went into labor while at work during a very busy shift on my unit. I called Beth on our way back to the hospital late that evening, and she greeted me on the sidewalk in front of the hospital. We were both breathless. She was all smiles…I’m sure I was too.

I told her that she got to us much quicker than I expected and apologized in advance if we soon learned that I called her too early. She said, “I know that you said I could take my time, but I didn’t trust you. You sounded more uncomfortable than you were letting on, and this is your second baby. I’m happy to have made it.”  She then confessed that she ran a little from her car.

After that we both went to work.

That was the only time I remember speaking with her until well after the baby was born. It was important to me, however, that her presence matched what I wanted for my birth experience. I never felt that she was comparing my birth with anyone else’s or judging me at all. She never really told me about her labors except to say that she had experienced many different types and knew to expect the unexpected. That was enough for me. I also trusted her.

The photos that she gave me from that night completely take my breath away. Her perspective behind the lens is shaped by her attitude toward birth. So, when I think back and feel ashamed about being short with my nurses while they tried to monitor my baby or I wonder how I’ll ever survive the endless days and nights of nursing, relatching, diapers, spit up, and new parent questions and hesitations, I can see my strength through her eyes. I am reminded of my husband’s tenderness and touch while I was sure that I was dying. I actually feel braver when I see what I accomplished.

Memories aren’t a rewind button in our mind of events and experiences. They are actually shaped and changed over time. That’s why two people who experienced the same event can remember it very differently. Beth has given me such a gift. Her photos are helping me view my birth as empowering and healing – very very different than my first experience. I was left sad and scarred. I was desperate for more photos of my swollen, pregnant belly. Weeks after my son was born I was still searching through the few photos my mom was able to take of my labor, hoping to find another glimpse of my pregnant bump. I missed it terribly. I ached for it.

Since having my son, I’d learned that a traumatic birth experience can lead to a disappointing transition from the pregnant world to motherhood. It’s common for women to miss the pregnancy and the belly as they struggle with their new role. That was definitely me. Despite being very “prepared” for my son’s labor, I was so not ready for motherhood. This time, however, I took the less-is-more approach to labor prep. I was busy with a toddler and many home projects, and I read just one book, Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth. She’s a labor jedi, and she totally helped me prepare my mindset. I also didn’t want to have too few photos this time.

When I met with Beth a few months prior to giving birth to my daughter, she was already there in the mindset department. She was unafraid, present and focused, and understood the fluidity of labor. She trusted the birth process, and I needed her energy with me.

If you’re preparing for your labor experience, I encourage you to visualize your birth. What does the room look like?

Feel like?

Is it warm? Dark?

Noisy? Pleasantly distracting? Humming with a fan?

Who’s there? How do you feel?

What are you wearing?

What is your team doing?

Write it down…but don’t call it your birth plan. Write it so that you can remember it and refer to it in the coming weeks. Talk about it with the people you want there. Keep that picture in your  mind when choosing your birth photographer, and give them an idea of what you’re envisioning.

No, your birth will not be exactly what is on this list, just like mine didn’t turn out to be painless or blissful. That’s why it’s not a Plan! But when you’re able to communicate what you want, your team will know how you want to feel and their role in your process. You’ll also get an idea if they’re the right person for your team when you talk to them about this list. Try it!

I’m not here to tell you that you need a birth photographer on your team. I needed one. Only you can make the decision to allow someone into your most vulnerable day. It’s not everyday that I walk into a room and start undressing like a lunatic. My photographer was there for it all…what a lucky lady.

The gift my birth photographer has given me is now a gift that I can pass on to my children. How beautiful to be able to peek in on your own birth! I also hope that in some ways I’m a better Mom for having seen myself from her perspective. 

I’ve purposefully used watermarked photos to give credit to the artist.

If you’re looking locally, tell her I sent you. She loves that!

Elizabeth Farnsworth Photography

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