How to Handle When You Have to Ditch Your Birth Plan
There are so many variables to consider when planning for your birth; it can be overwhelming. On top of that, so much about labor and birth is out of our control. That’s why we create birth plans in the first place – to maintain some control over the process. Or we try to! Let’s talk about how to navigate the labor process if something doesn’t go exactly as planned, and you’re left scrambling.
First, I don’t advocate for writing a full out birth plan. Your notes, planning, and conversations with your support people will definitely look and sound like a mainstream birth plan. I like the Top 3 Labor Wish List idea.
Instead of creating a birth plan to control all of the things you do and don’t want to happen, let’s instead put that energy toward a Plan for Birth. You’ll be able to handle anything birth, postpartum, and life related! A nurse’s guide in 2 simple steps!
Plan for Birth
1. Educate yourself. Learning more about what to expect, options available at your facility, and labor support strategies will help you to feel so empowered. Take your labor support team with you to the classes or get one online so you can all learn together!
Getting on the same page with your labor team is so important, especially if you don’t make a two page birth plan that you take with you to the hospital.They’ll be able to answer questions and help you make decisions while you’re busy working through labor. Also, learning about the normal and expected progression of labor, when to call your provider, and some normal end-of-pregnancy symptoms can really help you align your expectations with reality.
If you expect to be in labor for 3 hours with your first child and will be disappointed if she’s not here by lunch, then your disappointment with reality is easier to handle in your Lamaze Childbirth Class while pregnant than in your hospital bed during early labor as noon approaches.
It’s also great to learn about your choices and options as an informed consumer of healthcare with your partner during your class. Adjusting your mindset to approach the hospital as a service can help empower you as a consumer.
2. Exercise your mind. Why is it that a pregnant belly activates society to recall the scariest labor story that they’ve ever heard and then Share it with the owner of the bump?!
“Hmmm, I didn’t know that could happen in labor, but thank you. Now I’ll be sure to have crazy pregnant nightmares about that freaky story for at least three weeks.”
*cue nurse eye roll*
The beauty of your birth is that it will be as unique as your baby! It will be your story and her story to share.
It will be unexpected – no matter how much you prepare.
It will surprise you – how awesome! And it will leave you both stronger than ever – whether you believe that or not.
You need to ready your mind to receive and believe these wonderful facts. Start doing this today! (I don’t care if you’re not even pregnant or never getting pregnant, this is good brain hygiene for all of us!)
Do your best to block out the negative and absorb the positive. Yes, I know the world is not all fuzzy bunnies. There is negative and sad all around us. But harness the *Preggo Brain* and do what you want! (hair flip and all)
You can do this by politely declining to hear that stranger’s story in line at the grocery about how she almost died giving birth. If you can’t do it politely and you panic, drop your jar of pasta sauce. That emergency sauce bomb will stop her right in her tracks, bless her heart. Now run before you’re in all of the social media pictures!
Also, listen to and read about normal labors and births. Find beautiful birth photos – they’re everywhere! Create a book of mantras and read them before bed. You want to create a pleasant association with labor and birth instead of a fearful relationship with the unknown.
Here’s an example. I’m not perfect and by no means am I comparing my second labor to a perfect birth, but I’ll use my most recent labor as an example:
I was approaching my second birth slightly traumatized from my first birth experience. This was due to a variety of reasons that don’t matter for this example, so suffice it to say I was nervous, scared, confused, and a little out of sorts in preparation for my second baby.
Should I prepare more, plan better, and maybe write a birth plan this time since there are things that I want to happen like last time and don’t want to happen like last time? Do I scrap it all and run into the fire head on with a wish and a hope that my body will figure it out? I was so confused. I knew a birth plan would set me up for expectations, and I didn’t want to be disappointed in myself again. I had learned so many labor techniques and read so many birth stories since my first birth that I really just wanted to go with my gut and do a little internal work to prepare this time instead of focusing on ALL of the external variables that could possibly, maybe, hopefully not happen while in labor.
I read Ina May Gaskin’s Guide To Childbirth (twice), and she helped me shape my plan for birth. First, I needed to really, truly, trust my body and trust the process. Not just say I trusted my body but then worry if the baby was too big (true story). Or tell myself that women have been having babies forever but then think “except what if my body can’t” (another true story). I’m the best pessimist there is! I’m beyond “realist” and flat out good at thinking of the worst case scenario and then scaring myself with that worry. So this mindset change took WORK.
Your Toolbox
Then I needed to get my techniques locked down. Usually when I’m scared or hurting I get mean. Yeah, beyond endearing sarcasm and just full out hater. Well, I’m a labor and delivery nurse on the unit where I was planning on having my baby. I also wanted to stay married after this, because crap, I’d have 2 kids! Mean wasn’t going to work for me.
I needed coping strategies and techniques that were solid. The only way that we can call upon healthy coping strategies in times of stress, fatigue, high emotions, and pain is if they are practiced and become our new, real coping techniques. I learned strategies through my reading and Lamaze classes, and then I practiced them. All the time. I practiced deep breathing with my husband on that rare occasion that I got frustrated with him (so lots of practice). I practiced laughter with my toddler when I really really really wanted to cry. I even tried visualization when I was super mad, sad, and scared during stressful driving (aka road rage).
Yes, this practice took work, commitment, and it wasn’t easy, but they really did become my labor tools. I didn’t need to refer to a birth plan to remember to breathe (because come on, that’s not realistic) or worry about ALL of the what could happens, what ifs, and all the hell no’s that I had initially started stressing about for this labor. No matter what happened during my labor experience, I had healthy emotional tools in my toolbox to help me cope during and after labor.
In order to roll with the punches and not get overwhelmed during your labor when something does go as planned Educate Yourself and your team, Exercise Your Mind to create a positive association with labor and birth, and practice healthy coping strategies to fill your Toolbox.
If all else fails, release a sauce bomb and giggle through the mayhem.
Did your labor go as planned? I’d love to hear about it. How did you cope? What would you do differently next time? Comment below – let’s connect!
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